The History of Dog Tisssue

There has always been a great deal of controversy and scientific speculation concerning dog tissue in the days of early proto-human expansion.Due to over laps in evolution, it is easily assumed that pre-homo sapien sapiens probably dealt with more rhino and elephant and baboon tissue than dog tissue. However, recent excavations in Tanzania have revealed a kind of arboreal tissue that may have been laid down by proto-tree climbing dogs, a vestigal trait now lost among moderns, but is probably just giraffe tissue laid down on high. We do know for certain that there was a great deal of dog tissue involved when the cro-magnons began their rudimentary "villages".In fact Neolithic dog tissues had been found fron the Lascaux regions of France all the way to the Stepps of the Ukraine.But again,early humans had much bigger tissue concerns with mammoths, wolly and otherwise running around.( Frozen remains from Siberia have found where entire human beings were buried alive in monstrous mammoth tissue mounds, the expressions of horror and revulsion fixed in their eyes forever!) The very first authenticated discoveries of dog tissue come from the villages along the coast of modern day Turkey,however the Chinese claim that chinese dog tissue has been found in the Bampo Village circa 14,000 BF; that is Before Fone Bone.

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Dog Tissue

No you haven't fallen down the rabbit hole or been kidnapped by aliens or found out that girl you are dating is actually your long lost sister who was given up to adoption before you were born.Nothing quite that bad...However,look back into your childhood;look back and remember when you were out playing ball with your buddies and, while running to catch that high fly to center, that catch that would make the other guys stop picking you last and giving you DEEP,DEEP center field and laughing at your $4.00 ball glove that,in spite of Needsfoot oil and a stole whole coil of soldering wire to wrap it, your glove is so cheap and so flat you could more easily catch a flying pancake.And you're going deep,deeper,your flat glove held skyward like a beach umbrella; just a few more inches and SQUISH! Your right foot slides out from undere you,you fall down on your side; you don't know whats happening and the THAT AWFUL SMELL!! Oh my God! A big, brown, steaming pile of DOG TISSUE, that stinky,awful,ofal,hidden reducer of kid pride everywhere.Boy do your buddies let you have now, plus which fact now you gotta walk home covered in DOG TISSUE! Oh-mi-god.What a horrible thing to crush a kids self-esteem.
Well cheer up! Now that you are 'growd-up' here is something you may not have thought about! Besides the obvious faults of Dog Tissue,consistancy,smell,embaressment,shame, and skillful secrecy, when you stepped in IT,that entire moment and every thing subsequent was the absolute,by God TRUTH! You couldn't lie your out of it,like when you got pinched by your mom...actually your bitch older sister ratted you out...for stolen candy at the drug store; you cannot just simply pretend that it isn't there, and worst of all, you can't even resort to the ultimate kid dodge,you can't cry it away; actually that would make it worse.
But here's the good news.Because of the wonders of dog tissue you gained the ability to recognize the TRUTH as soon as you STEPPED IN IT!!! Thia ia the magic and power of dog tissue and we here at Fone Bone Dog Tissue Company, the world's leader in pure,actual A1 dog tissue, are here to provide.Everyday,or maybe every other days depending how much 80 proof the staff consumes at the evening's editorial huddling, we here at Fone Bone call the meetings "The Old Butt Sniffer". But welcome one and all.Be ready to start stepping back into the dirty smelly truth, enough so that you can piss-off just about everybody you know!!!